Thursday, April 23, 2009
I have a friend who works for Mercy Housing and she gave me a tip on a facility where I could go in as an independent resident and then as my cancer progresses I can change buildings to assisted living and stay within the same system. I just knew that they would have a long waiting list – I was wrong. They had an apartment, one bedroom-one bath, available immediately. It is small but it will be much easier for me to take care of. It is on the 15th floor, corner apartment, so it is a little larger than most in the building. The view is magnificent – Sloan Lake and a full view of the mountains – couldn’t ask for more. I will lose my garage but I can live with it. It is very possible that I will be moving the 1st of May. Wow! That is only a week away. I am already worn out so this is going to be a real challenge. I have been packing for a garage sale tomorrow, the 24th. I know that my pastor and others in my church will make sure the move goes smoothly. So much to do – but I am not complaining.
A friend of mine sent me the most beautiful, powerful message that I have read in a long time. Please click on it and read for yourself, it is worth it. Click here: He Is God Thank you Jolene.
Saturday, April 18, 2009
Friday, April 17, 2009
One of the things that I have learned is that you cannot walk away from cancer you must take a stance. Along with God’s direction, I feel that I am taking a stance that is right for me. I have made the decision not to fight the cancer but to embrace the life that I have left until my day comes to meet God face-to-face.
This past week the reality of cancer came tumbling down on me like an avalanche and became overwhelming. I had to make some very hard decisions about my living arrangements for the duration of my illness. I can honestly say that this is the first time I have really, really cried. There are so many decisions to make; selling my house, where to live, what to take with me, finding a place where I can take my cats, etc. - I just wanted to walk away from it all. I am sure that there are going to be other days in the future when I still have these feelings and I know that my friends will be there to support me.
Friday, April 10, 2009
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
Eat: Listen to what your body wants and needs.
Talk: Talk to anyone about anything you are feeling whether it be your friends, family, nurses, pastors or even a support group.
Keep a journal: Go out and buy yourself a good journal or find one online. (I chose this blog.)
Hugs: Hugs give us the sense of safety that when we are being hugged, nothing can seem to harm us.
Relaxation: Make time for yourself throughout the treatments.
Do whatever you want: Try to get as much normalcy into your limited life.
Ask Questions: Ask your doctors any question you may have about your cancer, chemotherapy, symptoms and limitations.
Exercise: Finding a type of exercise is a good idea.
Cry: Yes I said it, cry. Not all the time, but when you feel the need to cry go ahead and just let it out.
Monday, April 6, 2009
Trust in the LORD with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight. Proverbs 3:5-6
The radiologist (the salesman) called this morning to make plans about how to handle the breast cancer. His main concern was that it might be the same as the endometrial cancer. It is not however so it would be a completely different treatment. He said that the most important treatment would be the radiation for the endometrial cancer for now and the breast cancer could wait until we finished radiation. He wanted to personally cancel my appointments with the surgeon. He said that he would call and explain to him what we were going to do. I told him that I still wanted to meet with the surgeon.
I have felt like none of the doctors are being really honest with me. I am a realist and I need facts. Everyone wants to beat around the bush. Today I really pin-pointed him and he finally admitted that my chances are "not good" but I do have "a chance". He kept saying 20% so I asked if that adds 2-6 months to my life or what. He said that the 20% is based on a 5 years survival rate. Okay, it might give me a year. But that year will be miserable with the side effects from the full pelvic radiation which he admitted was going to be very diffiult. Once again, I have decided to go for quality of life over quantity of life. I will not be doing radiation therapy. The real catch to all of this is that the type of cancer that I have does not have a 5 years survival rate to start with, so what does that make the 20%? My common sense did not go on vacation without me after all.
I have researched my type of cancer, as much as possible, since there are not many studies, and the survival rates for this type of cancer, USPC, is approximately 24 months and that is for Stage I and II. All of the big cancer hospitals say the prognosis is poor - MD Anderson, etc.
Friday, April 3, 2009
They said it would be about a week before I received the results and one of the radiologist would call me with the results. Today, April 3rd, just 2 days later, I received that call. The results - "Invasive Ductal Carcinoma".
I just received the results of my CA 125 - it was 14 in January and it has gone back up to 20. However, the CEA was normal.
I have an appointment for an MRI of both breast on Wednesday, the 15th. And, an appointment with the general surgeon on Friday the 17th.
Wednesday, April 1, 2009
I know that I said I would "never" do radiation therapy. Lesson learned - "never say never" - I knew better but my common sense has gone on vacation. The chemo did not kill off the cancer cells and they are traveling through my lymphatic system. So far they have not entered the vital organs and I pray that by doing the radiation the cancer cells will be stopped. We can only pray and leave it in God's hands.
This afternoon I will have my breast biopsy. (April 1st - Hmm!) More Later