Tuesday, October 27, 2009


I will remember that my happiness is not a thing but a process. It is the way in which I travel through the days ahead. Some of the travels will be easier, lighter, and more rewarding than others, but each day the journey is my own and I am its guide. ~Carol Staudacher~

“The Lord shall guide thee continuallly and satisfy thy soul.” Isaiah 58:11

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Good news

There are so many people sick and so many different things going around with colds and flu, etc. I also have not escaped the illness and have had a sinus infection for about six weeks now. I have been very fortunate that I have not been running a fever so I was not worried that it would turn into the flu. My oncologist put me on an antibiotic which is finally working. He also ordered some blood work because I am totally drained and short of breath. There was the possibility that I might be anemic so he ordered a complete blood count along with a complete metabolic panel that includes tests for liver and kidneys. What a blessing - ALL test results are normal. Nothing was out of range.

It is hard not to worry - wondering if the cancer is progressing faster than I would like. So, I try to remember Matthew 6:27 "Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?" I do pray that I am on my way to feeling better now.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

As I continue on this journey.

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
~Hebrews 6:19a (NIV)

As my cousin pointed out on her husband's blog, "Sometimes we sugar-coat what is really going on in our lives - those of us with cancer." She is correct, sometimes we do. It is not always easy to face the daily realities of our future when cancer is always at the forefront of our minds. We often do not realize how it affects, not just ourselves, but all those that we love. I found this Hospice web site that has put into words some of my true feelings. I did not copy all of it just those parts that spoke to me.

Acknowledge You Are Dying
Acknowledging you are dying is the first step to living the rest of your life. If the onset of your illness was sudden or unexpected, you will likely feel shock and numbness at first. This is a natural and necessary response to painful news.

You can only cope with this new reality in doses. You will first come to understand it with your head, and only over time will you come to understand it with your heart.

To acknowledge you are dying is to let go of the future. It is to live only in the present. There is no easy way to do this, and you will probably struggle with this task every day until you die. Know that if you work at acknowledging the reality of your coming death, however, instead of denying it, you will open your heart and mind to the possibility of a new, rich way of living.

Accept Your Response to the Illness
Each person responds to news of terminal illness in his or her unique way. You, too, will have your own response, be it fear, excitement, anger, loss, grief, denial, hope or any combination of emotions.

Becoming aware of how you respond right now is to discover how you will live with your terminal illness. Don’t let others prescribe how you feel; find people who encourage you to teach them how you feel. After all, there is no right or wrong way for you to think and feel.

Respect Your Own Need For Talk, For Silence
You may find that you don’t want to talk about your illness at all. Or you may find that you want to talk about it with some people, but not with others. In general, open and honest communications is a good idea. When you make your thoughts and feelings known, you are more likely to receive the kind of care and companionship you feel will be most helpful to you.

But if you don’t want to talk about your illness, don’t force yourself. Perhaps you will be able to open up more later on, after you have lived with the reality of your illness for a time.

Be an Active Participant in Your Medical Care
Many people are taught as “patients” to be passive recipients of the care provided by medical experts. But don’t forget this - this is your body; your life. Don’t fail to ask questions that are important to your emotional and physical well-being out of fear that you will be “taking up someone’s time.”

Learn about your illness. Visit your local library and consult the medical reference books. Request information from educational associations, such as the National Cancer Institute or the American Heart Association. Ask your doctor, nurses and other caregivers whenever you have a question.

If you educate yourself about the illness and its probable course, you will better understand what is happening to you. You will be better equipped to advocate for personalized, compassionate care. You may not be in control of your illness, but you can and should be in control of your care.

Be Tolerant of Your Physical and Emotional Limits
Your illness will almost surely leave you feeling fatigued. Your ability to think clearly and make decisions may be impaired. And your low energy level may naturally slow you down. Respect what your body and mind are telling you. Nurture yourself. Get enough rest. Eat balanced meals. Lighten your schedule as much as possible.

Source: https://hospicenet.org/html/help_yourself.html

Friday, October 9, 2009

'Stop and smell the roses'

I would rather have one rose and a kind word from a friend while I'm here than a whole truck load when I'm gone

Thank You Jolene, you are a dear friend

Thursday, October 8, 2009

God Are You Real?

The child whispered, "God, speak to me."
A meadowlark sang, but the child did not hear.
So the child yelled, "God, speak to me!"
And thunder rolled across the sky, but the child did not listen.

The child looked around and said, "God let me see you."
A star shone brightly, but the child did not notice
And the child shouted, "God show me a miracle!"
And a life was born, but the child did not know.

So the child cried out in despair,
"Touch me God, and let me know you are here!"
Whereupon God reached down and touched the child.
But the child brushed the butterfly away and walked away unknowingly.

Author Unknown

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

"Patience is the art of caring slowly."
~ John Ciardi

Friday, October 2, 2009

Trip to Seaside Oregon

This vacation has been planned for several months and the week before, of course, I was sick. Lost my voice completely because of a sore throat and sinus infection. I was able to go but did not feel the best while gone, however I enjoyed every minute of it. My friends were very understanding and I enjoyed spending time with them.

The oregon coast was unlike any that I have seen before, not that I am a world traveler by any means. The beach was completely flat and you could actually watch the tide going out and coming back in. The top picture is the view from our room, it was spectacular. Perfect weather for kite flying and there were lots of them out every day. In fact, it was the first time in years that I flew a kite - what fun!

The weather was cool but not too cool. The ocean was like ice water. We all got caught by the waves at one time or another. One night after dark, low tide, we walked out to the waters edge. I could not believe how far we were from the condo. It was kind of erie but it was breathtaking and loads of fun.

It took me a week to recover from the trip as I am sure it does most people. Health wise I am finally feeling better.

"Our days on earth are like a shadow." 1 Chronicles 29:15