Excerpt from Tony Snow's Testimony

"The moment you enter the Valley of the Shadow of Death, things change. You discover that Christianity is not something doughy, passive, pious, and soft. Faith may be the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen. But it also draws you into a world shorn of fearful caution. The life of belief teems with thrills, boldness, danger, shocks, reversals, triumphs, and epiphanies."

Tony Snow was President Bush's Press Secretary. His testimony is about his fight with cancer - it is worth reading. http://www.jknirp.com/snow.htm

Happiness is like...

“Happiness is like a butterfly: the more you chase it, the more it will elude you, but if you turn your attention to other things, it will come and sit softly on your shoulder…”

~ Thoreau

Cancer is deadly...

We all go around with this attitude that “It can’t happen to me.” Yes it can. Cancer knows no boundaries. No matter the type or the depth of cancer, it is scary and it can happen to you. No one is exempt from this dreaded disease. My heart goes out to all of those people who do not believe in God. How in the world can they go through this journey with no hope of eternal life?

When I was diagnosed with cancer, over time I was told that it was an aggressive cancer and that it could not be cured. The best to expect was remission for an unknown period of time. Because the endometrial cancer that I have is rare, there have not been a lot of studies to go by and the one being used looked like chemo was the best option. After I finished chemo I met with the radiologist and, besides the information above, he said that they just were not sure what, if anything, radiation would do for this type of cancer. I chose to wait and see since I really did not want to do full pelvic radiation because of all the side effects, some of which cannot be reversed.

On Monday, March 23rd, I met with my oncologist to discuss the PET scan that I had on March 9th. The PET showed that there is a malignant lymph node sitting right on the aorta. (The aorta goes down the spine.) It cannot be reached by surgery and he said that cyber knife was out of the question at this location. The longer he talked the more I realized that I was out of options, or not being offered any options except a clinical trial at Colorado University. The only thing, I felt, that he did not tell me was how long I have to live. Needless to say, I was pretty bummed when I left his office and by the time we got to the elevators Rebecca and I were crying – both of us in shock. It all became very real.

My oncologist did say that he would talk with my surgeon and radiologist and get back with me by the end of the week (I have not heard from him) and that he would also check with Colorado University about clinical trials (which he personally would prefer to do). I checked myself and all of the trials they have going, or trials they are starting have to do with ovarian cancer, which I did not have, and of course none of them will be trials with the rare kind of cancer that I have.

On Monday evening my radiologist called and said that he wanted to see me. He had a voice mail from my oncologist but had not talked to him yet. He wanted to talk with me directly. I met with him today, Friday, March 27th. The discussion was much the same as the last time that I met with him. I asked lots of questions and he answered them all. I even took my anatomy book with me and asked him to please show me the boundaries of the radiation being planned. After a week of prayer I have decided to proceed with radiation. What have I really got to lose? He said that it is not going to be easy and will get worse as each week passes. It will be everyday for 6 l/2 weeks – 33 treatments. I should be finished about the first week of June. I will go on Tuesday to get my CT scan and tattoos. Yes, Katherine will be tattooed with little dots – can you imagine that. Maybe I can have them do a little flower around each one – ha! I think he really wants to go ahead with the radiation now while I am so healthy (Hmm! Do you see that as an oxymoron?) and before the cancer goes into a vital organ. He was quite clear that if that happens there would be nothing else they could do with this type of cancer. So far the cancer is in the lymphatic system and no vital organs. Both doctors are sure there is more cancer in the lymph system but it is just not strong enough to show up on the PET scan yet.

The actual radiation will not start for a couple of weeks. He wants the needle biopsies done on the breast before he starts. He said that if they were malignant it would mean a mastectomy. I said, “no” a lumpectomy even though there is no lump there. He said that would mean radiation. So, that is what we are doing so one more spot of radiation doesn’t matter.

Does this mean that another trip to Hawaii is out of the question? I sure hope not!

My journey is far from being over so please continue to keep me in your prayers.

Spring in Colorado

Spring started with beautiful weather in Colorado but also with much needed moisture since we were at only 14% of our annual snowfall this winter. Things changed this morning - you guessed it - we are in a blizzard. A rainfall would have been nice - but we really need the moisture so snow it will be.

PET Scan

I had my PET scan on Monday, March 9th. I just received a call from my oncologist and the news was not the best. It seems that the cancer is still active in one of my lymph nodes. He said there was no change to my lungs and a slight change to my breast. I will be meeting with him on the 23rd. More later.

Appointment with Oncologist

I saw my oncologist on the 24th and he was very pleased that I was doing so well. He has ordered another PET scan. Since he knows my wishes about future treatment he wanted to know if I wanted to know the results or just wait it out to see what happens - if the cancer is growing - if it has localized to one area, etc. He is a little concerned about my lungs since I have an unexplained cough, but he said they sound okay. I told him that I want to know what is going on each step of the way. He said that if I changed my mind about chemo or radiation - or not - he would support my decision.

He was very pleased that I am losing weight and that I go to the Y four times a week. My blood pressure was really low and I asked him about it. He wanted to know if I was light-headed or tired - yes to both! He said that it looked like my new program was working (the Y and WW) and that I may need to alter my BP medication. He wanted to do 1/2 a pill/day and then said not to take them at all. Each day that I did not take my BP pill my blood pressure went up a little. On the third day it was obvious that I cannot go off my medication. I don't think I need the full strength but I do need something. I just have to get it figured out. It is a good thing that I told him that I would monitor it at home - I have a BP kit. So far it is all over the place.

The next step will be the PET scan. I am feeling very positive about it and a little nervous at the same time. I still need lots of prayer.

A Little Inconvenience

I wish I had some really fun stuff to put on my blog - life is just too serious right now.

My PCP's nurse called me week before last. She wanted to know when I was going to do more mammograms, etc. I told her the story and later that day my PCP called me. I have really not seen her since this whole thing started because all I see now are specialist. So, I explained to her what I had decided about the breast biopsy, etc. I told her that I would be seeing my oncologist soon and he was going to order another PET scan at that time. She was okay with that but asked if I had any other problems going on right now in light of all that I have been through. Well, yes, but I hesitated to tell her. I have been smelling smoke for awhile now. She was very concerned about it. She called my oncologist and then called me back a couple of days later. After talking for a bit she decided to treat me aggressively for a sinus infection first - I had a few symptoms but nothing major and that morning did wake up with a sore throat and a deep cough. I am taking 6 pills a day - two different antibiotics plus Sudafed, the one you get from the pharmacy now, a nasal spray (I cannot pronounce it) that is prescription and sinus wash twice a day, for 14 days. I would say that is aggressive.

The alternative, if this does not clear up, is an MRI to see if there is something going on in the frontal lobe with the nerve that controls smell. I have always heard that when someone smells smoke that it had something to do with the pituitary gland - not sure if that is true or not. Apparently what they would be looking for here would not show up on the PET scan so that would be - MRI.

Yes, the antibiotics are helping even though they are doing a number on me. I still smell a little smoke at different times. I will be through with the regimen on Friday and we will just have to wait and see what happens.

Happiness Is A Journey ~by Father Alfred D'Souza

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

Dance as though no one is watching you.

Love as though you have never been hurt before.

Sing as though no one can hear you.

Live as though heaven is on earth.

~~~

For a long time it seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life.

But there was always some obstacle in the way,

something to be gotten through first,

some unfinished business,

time still to be served, a debt to be paid.

At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life.

This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness.

Happiness is the way.

So treasure every moment you have and remember that

time waits for no one.

Happiness is a journey, not a destination.

It's In The Valley I Grow

Sometimes life seems hard to bear,
Full of sorrow, trouble and woe
It's then I have to remember,
That it's in the valley I grow,

If I always stayed on the mountain top,
And never experienced pain,
I would never appreciate God's love,
And would be living in vain.

I have so much to learn,
And my growth is very slow,
Sometimes I need the mountain tops,
But it's in the valley I grow.

I do not always understand,
Why things happen as they do,
But I am very sure of one thing.
My Lord will see me through.

My little valleys are nothing,
When I picture Christ on the cross
He went through the valley of death;
His victory was Satan's loss.

Forgive me Lord, for complaining,
When I'm feeling so very low.
Just give me a gentle reminder,
That it's in the valleys I grow.

Continue to strengthen me,Lord,
And use my life each day
To share your love with others,
And help them find their way.

Thank you for valleys, Lord,
For this one thing I know
The mountain tops are glorious,
But it's in the valleys I grow!

~by Jane Eggleston