Praise God, from Whom all blessings flow;

Praise Him, all creatures here below;

Praise Him above, ye heavenly host;

Praise Father, Son, and Holy Ghost.

On Tuesday, the 23rd, I had to get a blood draw and pick up a prescription so I decided to get a copy of my PET scan report while I was there. Well, I started looking at the report and forgot to get my prescription. One of those senior moments I guess – they seem to come more often these days.

I have had back problems for many years, caused by craziness on my part, but you just learn to live with it and go on. When I moved to Denver I was in pretty bad shape and decided to try a chiropractor. He was very thorough. He showed me the x-rays of my spine so I have known for some time now that I have degenerating disc. However, he did help me at that time – 13 years ago.

While I was going through the cancer my backaches became more intense and as you know I have recently decided to go on pain pills to help with the pain. I was not sure if the back pain was because of the cancer or because of the degenerating discs. When I picked up the report and started reading, I knew the answer. There was one sentence that really caught my eye, becaue we had not talked about it - “Osteoarthritic changes are identified in the facet joint of the lumbar spine.” This has not been in any other report. My oncologist, of course, knows about the back pain but we have never discussed it in detail. I am sure he thought I knew that my pain was because of osteoarthritis.

I am okay with this news because now I know that the backaches are from another source and not connected to the cancer. I will continue Praising God. He has given me more than I deserve.

Unconditional love

Today I received an email, from a very good friend, about a dog named Lucky and his master who had breast cancer. As I read the story I started crying. Oh, it was a very happy ending but it brought back memories of not so long ago.

We hear stories everyday about our closest companions and how they know when something is not right. I believe that this unconditional love goes deeper than we can ever imagine. There are people who prefer not to have animals, or they have allergic reactions to animals and cannot have pets.

A long while before I was diagnosed with cancer, Ember, my little black cat got in the habit of crawling up on my shoulder and snuggling with her face in my neck – she would burrow in. Ember started doing this every time I sat down and especially when I was at the computer. I have to admit that it did become very irritating and if I put her down she would come right back. I decided that this was a habit that I was just going to have to live with and that she would eventually quit.

Yes, Ember finally quit after I came home from the hospital. She still gets on my neck, but nothing like it was before I had the surgery. It took me awhile to put two and two together. But, I know in my heart that she knew I was very sick and she had no way of telling me. (If only they could talk.)

There have been other incidences at other times in my life, with the different animals that I have had over the years, but nothing quite like this time. Our pets are a gift from God.

God instructed Noah to bring into the ark two of all living creatures, male and female, along with every kind of food to be stored as food for the animals and his family while on the ark.

CA 125 results

When I was talking with my oncologist on Tuesday evening I was so in shock that I forgot to ask him the actual results of my CA 125. He just said it had gone down and was within normal range. (The high end of the normal range is 34.) The lowest it has ever been was 14 and that was in January '09, after Chemotherapy. After that it started gradually going up again and in July of ’09 (six months ago) it was at 53.

I received the results yesterday via computer and was shocked to see how low it had actually gone. My CA 125 is now at 15.

I am still and will continue to Praise God.

PET Scan results from 2-5-10

As you all know from reading my blog that I made a decision, well over a year ago, to do no further treatment for my cancer. Since that time I have been watching the cancer on six-month intervals by repeating the PET scan and the CA 125 (blood test). During surgery they could not get to the aortic lymph node and decided to close me up. The Chemotherapy did not kill the cancer in the lymph node and there were no other options. I did ask about Cyber knife and that was not an alternative. Even radiation to that lymph node would not have reached it. I made my decision for no more treatment through prayer (and all of your prayers), much studying and reading and through common sense of knowing what I could tolerate.

My last PET scan, the first week of August 2009, showed that the cancer had moved to another lymph node (now there are two involved) and there was a spot on my liver. When cancer is in the lymphatic system it is hard to kill and it will continue to spread to other vital organs. We also know that cancer grows rapidly once it moves to the liver. I was waiting on the test results to see how far it had spread.

On Tuesday evening, the 9th, I received a call from my oncologist. I took a deep breath to listen to what he had to say. He started off telling me about the CA125 and that it had gone down and was within normal limits. Then he proceeded to tell me that the cancer was no longer active in the lymph nodes or the liver. I kept saying, “Are you sure”? That is when he just started reading me the report. There is a calcified spot on my lung that has been there since day one and they are not worried about that. And there is still a spot on my breast that is “undetermined” at this time. I am in total shock while talking to him and still am.

The oncologist is obviously very confused by these results also, and wanted to know what I was doing differently. “Was I doing alternative methods?” I told him that I had changed my diet somewhat and that I had lots, and lots of people praying for me. And, that I have taken all the stress out of my life. He finally said, “What ever you are doing, keep doing it!”

He does want me to follow-up on the spot on the breast. He mentioned an MRI and I said that would not happen unless they can put me to sleep to do it. Then he suggested following up with another mammogram. I also will follow with another PET scan in six months.

He did tell me that I am not in remission that this can go either way. I forgot to ask about the severe backaches but I can learn to live with them and I will catch him later on this issue.


There is no way to thank all of you for your prayers - and your friends that have been praying for me. Just know that God is in charge and he loves each and every one of us as if we were the only person on earth. My heart is about to burst out of my chest right now. I love you

Excitement all the time

Last night, Saturday, the 6th, the sirens just kept coming. I looked out my bedroom window, which is on the front side of building (West), and there were three fire trucks (2 of them ladder trucks) and at the corner there were two more trucks. All were pulling out there hoses. I walked to the living room and there were two more fire trucks on 26th street. Now there are seven fire trucks, two fire marshals and one paramedic’s truck.

No fire alarm has gone off in the building and I keep waiting for some kind of announcement. I look out my bedroom window again and all the firemen are standing in front of the building just looking at it. I opened the windows and I did not smell any smoke. I still have no idea what is going on.

Now, I am fortunate that I have a corner apartment and can see out on 26th street and on Osceola street. The people that live across the hall, from me, probably had no idea anything was going on because they over look the parking lots on their side of the building. I decided that I needed to make a phone call (to Rebecca) to let her know that something was going on but I did not know what. She laughed and said, “Just in case you don’t show up in the morning.” That is exactly what I had in mind. I just wanted someone to know – just in case.

After about an hour all of the firemen started folding up the hoses and putting them back on the trucks. None of the trucks left until everyone was ready to leave. I thought that was pretty neat. At this point I still don’t know what is going on and probably would not find out until Sunday.

On Sunday I leave at 7:30 am to go to church and I never see anyone on the elevators or in the lobby when I leave. This morning one of the gentlemen got on the elevator with me and I asked him what was going on last night. He said that there were some little kids in one of the apartments playing with a little rubber football and they lost it. Apparently it was in a lamp and I think you can figure out what happened. They must have called 911 directly and thus all the fire trucks.(Children do not live in this building so they must have been visiting.)

There are some positives from this experience. I know that the fire department takes these calls seriously and were very well prepared. That alone put my mind at ease about living in this building on the 15th floor. The other positive is that I am in an end unit and I would walk out my door and right on to the fire escape. My friend, Laurie, gave me a carrier bag for Ember, my cat, and it will slip right over my shoulder. It will be much easier to carry her down than a regular carrier, if the need ever arises. The fire escape is all cement steps with handrails.

Thank you Father God that all turned out well. I did sleep peacefully after all the commotion.

PET Scan experience

Yesterday, Friday the 5th, I went for my PET scan. I am claustrophobic so I have to take medication when I get there. They inject me with the radioisotope and then I have to rest for an hour. The pills (2) always take effect within the hour. Then it takes 25 minutes for the scan. Now that is not a terribly long time if you are not claustrophobic.

My friend Rebecca always takes me because I cannot drive afterwards with all that medication in me. As soon as they take me back to the room for injection Rebecca leaves to go walking or to get coffee and read, or to just run errands if she needs to. She has an hour and a half wait. She always takes my purse, cell phone, etc and puts them in the trunk of her car so that I don’t have to mess with them.

I am sitting in the chair and all of a sudden it hits me and I just went running out of the room saying, “my pills.” She was gone. The tech suggested I try to call her, “She has my cell phone and I don’t know all of her number.” Then he suggested I call my number and maybe she would answer. Then I remembered that she puts my stuff in the trunk. I will never forget her number again. And, Rebecca will never leave right away – again.

The tech said, “We will get you through this.” I did make it through but I will never do that again. I did not relax the whole time I was on the table. They strap your arms down. I didn’t know that. I have always been out-of-it before. It is a super wide strap and comes across your whole body. It is to keep your arms from moving. I was concentrating so hard on just making it through. I was determined that I would not open my eyes – but I did. My nose started itching. My eye started itching. My cheek started itching. I was about ready to cry. Then I felt like I had to cough. I must admit that I don’t even know what kind of prayers I was saying or if I was praying at all. All I could think of was “Jesus.”

The time was going so slow. If it had been five minutes longer I wouldn’t have made it through. I was ready to lose it. They helped me off the table and I couldn’t walk. My insides were shaking so bad. At least no one said, “Now that wasn’t so bad was it.” I might have hit them. I was so totally exhausted and stressed by the time I got home that I had to lie down for a while. That is usually a normal procedure but that is because I have taken medication.

Never again will I do a PET scan without medication. I will post the results next week.

Life is either a daring adventure or nothing at all. ~Helen Keller

"He's Back"

I went to see Mario on Sunday, January 31st and he was still not up to par. He would play, but not much. On Sunday night he decided to sleep on the bench by Laurie's bed, upstairs instead of in the sick room.

Monday morning Mario woke up early and started running through the house, playing, and jumping up on everything. All Craig could say was, "He's back." We were all so thankful that he finally turned that corner. When I say that Mario gets up early, I mean between 2-4 am. Then he likes to sleep most of the day.

I know that Craig and Laurie have only had him since December 16th, but they both love him as much as I do.

On Sunday just before I left, Craig asked me if I would like to have another black cat. I noticed that he did not ask me if I wanted Mario back - even after all the dollars they have spent on him the last two weeks.

One thing about that little character is that he will steal your heart.

As for me

As for me I am still doing well. I do get tired easily and I go to bed very early. Not so much because I need to sleep but I do need to lay on my body vibrator. My back has given out by the end of the day. I do have the pain pills but try not to take more than 2, sometimes 3 a day.

If I had not gone on the antidepressants in December, I don't believe I could have delt with the incident with Mario as well as I did. I sure do miss him. I think I will start taking Ember over to see him once in awhile after he is better.

In February I will be getting another PET scan to see how far the cancer has progressed. I will be posting the results when I get them.

Meanwhile I do appreciate the prayers. Please continue to pray that my journey is an easy one.

"Your love has given me great joy and encouragement..." ~Philemon 7

Always expect the unexpected

I hardly know where to start. This has been two weeks of learning – at times more than I ever wanted to know. Some of this story may be a little graphic but then a little over the past year and half of my life have been pretty graphic.

It all started on Tuesday, the 19th, early morning. Laurie was walking up the steps behind Mario and she noticed a black spot on his butt, about the size of a quarter. She started looking on the Internet to see if she could figure out what it was. She finally called the vet and said that she would be dropping Mario off on her way to teach her art classes. The next call she receives from the vet is that Mario has to have surgery immediately.

Surgery – One anal sac was abscessed, and he had a second abscess, on the inside that was about the size of a baseball, each containing a different kind of bacteria. The vet removed the anal sac and the cyst – sewed him up and inserted two drains. They put him on heavy-duty pain medication along with antibiotics. The clincher was the Elizabethan collar, which turns out to big a big problem.

Laurie did not call me until about 6:30 pm Tuesday night. She would have rather done anything else than to call me about Mario. She was extremely upset and started crying, “I told you I would take care of him.” It was all I could do to convince her that she was taking care of him – she caught it before it got worse. They think that one of her other cats might have bitten him but there is no proof of that.

Mario is claustrophobic. I have always felt that he was mistreated as a kitten. He could not move around with this collar on and he was unstable on his feet. Laurie cut the collar back (a little too much) so that he could at least see, eat and walk without getting caught on the carpet. He was supposed to return to the vets on Friday, the 22nd to get his drains out. Well, during the night he pulled the drains out, with Laurie sleeping right next to him. The vet said that had to be very painful while he was pulling on them. She put a full collar back on him.

Laurie had turned her guest room into a medical room in the basement. She rearranged the room and put the mattress on the floor so that Mario would not have to jump. On Friday night she thought he was doing well enough that she could go upstairs and sleep in her own bed and just check on him periodically. About midnight she went down and he was doing fine. About 2:00 am one of her other cats, who has been guarding the door, started screeching like she had never heard before. When she got downstairs and opened the door she said that Mario’s head was the size of a grapefruit and he was being strangled by the collar. He was throwing up and continued to throw up white foam, which is also a sign of strangulation. She finally got the collar off of him and whipped him up and took him to the emergency vet. He did survive but not without complications.

Mario had Subcutaneous emphysema which occurs when air gets into the tissues under the skin. It produces an unusual crackling sensation as the gas is pushed through the tissue. This can happen to humans as well as animals. The crackling sensation is like runing your hand across bubble wrap, and this can be very painful. When he eats or drinks water there is a squishy sound. It will take a few days to a few weeks to be completely out of his body. The vet said that this could happen from any trauma. From everything I have read about this, the most common cause is a tracheal tear when they were placing the intubation tube. They did not release him from the emergency vet until 8pm on Sunday night after numerous chest x-rays.

Once again Laurie had to call me on Saturday morning to tell me what happened. I just didn’t have any words. I was not blaming Laurie by any means – I just didn’t know what to say. I told her we were not putting that collar back on him and that I would come and sit with him to make sure he didn’t pull his stitches out – he doesn’t get them out until Tuesday the 26th. So Laurie slept with him all night with her hand on him so she could feel him move and I went over Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, while she went to teach her classes. I could not go on Thursday because that is my day at the church and it was a busy day. And, it was Laurie’s day with her mom so she took Mario with her so she could watch him.

Friday morning I received a call and she said, “You are not going to believe this.” Mario was under the table. Laurie was paying her bills and had her foot on him so she could feel if he moved. Mario proceeded to pull out all but two of his stiches. Laurie called the vet and she took the remaining stitches out and said he looked fine. He still has some air under his skin but it is getting better each day. His head has gone back to normal size and he is starting to play again.

Mario is his own little cat – he is a character. I prewarned Laurie about some of his habits and she was prepared – she thought. Laurie is going to start taking him with her once in a while, especially when she goes to her mothers. Her mother, Myrlyn, is the lady that I took care of for five years. Laurie and Mario now have a special bond. And, Laurie’s husband, Craig, has found a buddy in Mario.

Update on Mario and Ember

I have been back for eleven days now and I miss Mario horribly. But the good news is that he loves his new home and has taken over any normal routine that they once had. Mario is a character – there is just no other way to say it. Mario, and Ember as well, used to walk the bannister at the condo - I could not watch when they were doing this. Both of them had a hard fall at the deep end - at different times. They were very fortunate that neither one of them were hurt.

One of my biggest fears was Laurie’s new husband who does not care much for cats. They have been married a little over two years. He, of course, knew that Laurie had three cats and accepted that but still never really connected with them. One of her cats, Sienna, died shortly after they moved into their new house – liver cancer. One of her other cats, Mo, has had cancer for the past seven years with as many surgeries and chemotherapy treatments – he keeps charging on. And there is Nor, her black cat who could care less one-way or the other.

From the stories that I am hearing, I believe that Mario is fast becoming Craig’s buddy. He plays with Mario and the other two cats, every night when he gets home from work. There has been a good change in Craig as far as the cats are concerned. I don’t think he ever realized how much fun they could be. From some of the things he has said to Laurie, I know without a doubt that Craig cares what happens to my cats. I no longer have the fear that Craig will not accept them. Mario is happy and in a good home and that is what I care about.

The other fear that I had is that my cats are declawed and Laurie’s cats are not. All I could see is them getting into a fight and Mario (or Ember while she was there) would get torn up. So far no cat fights. Mario has taken to Mo (it took awhile for Mo) and sleeps close to him. He must know that he is sick. He likes to run up and down the steps with Nor. I knew he missed the steps. So to wrap this up – my fear is gone that the cats would not get along. I am convinced now that Mario is in the best place and being well taken care of, and I know when the day comes Ember will also do just fine in their home.

As for Ember, she has always been a little clingy and is much more so now that Mario is not around. She has pretty much stopped looking for him and I guess she knows it is just the two of us now.

One of my favorite little books is "Praying with Katie - God, My cat, and Me" by Don Holt. It is a whole different perspective on praying.