A friend who cares

When we honestly ask ourselves which person in our lives mean the most to us, we often find that it is those who, instead of giving advice, solutions, or cures, have chosen rather to share our pain and touch our wounds with a warm and tender hand.  The friend who can be silent with us in a moment of despair or confusion, who can stay with us in an hour of grief and bereavement, who can tolerate not knowing, not curing, not healing and face with us the reality of our powerlessness, that is a friend who cares. 

                                                                        ~Henri Nouwen

Johanna's Jubilee

The week of August 21st until the 28th I was in Omaha for my aunts Jubilee. Sister Johanna Burnell, RSM has been a nun for 50 years. What an exciting day starting with Mass on Sunday, the 22nd, said by Father Charlie O'Rourke, Sister Jeanne's brother. After Mass dinner followed in the auditorium at Mercy High School where Johanna had been President for 21 years. (She retired last year.) There were four other sisters celebrating so I am not sure how many people were present for the entire event. Lots of friends and families for all of the sisters.

The sad part of the trip was that Johanna was diagnosed with pneumonia the week before. It was really hard for her to work and to do the preparation for the event. We worked at the school a couple of hours on Saturday getting tables, etc. set up and there were a lot of people there to help.  On Tuesday the doctor diagnosed her with severe bronchitis and put her on heavy doses of medication. 

Then on Thursday the 26th, Sister Jeanne's brother-in-law died from a massive heart attack. He lived in Council Bluffs. His wife is in a wheel chair, a polio recipient, and depended on her husband for help.

Sister Jeanne and Sister Johanna share an apartment and are best friends. Jeanne is part of our family and comes to all of our events and Johanna is part of Jeanne's family and goes to all of their events. It was a very sad and tragic loss for both of them.

On Saturday night, before the big event, we had a family picnic at Mercy Acres. We had a wonderful prayer time and lots of memories of childhood flowing. There were only 20 of us there plus Sister Jeanne. One of my highlights was getting to ride on my cousins Harley Tri Bike. I had to borrow shoes and socks and a helmet but at least I was able to ride. I might just make a good biker-chick.

All in all it was one of those very exciting weeks and a very sad week. Like good news, bad news. However, I will be going back to spend Christmas in Omaha. Hopefully there will be no blizzard this time.

Speak of God, for God, with God. ~C. McAuley

Friday the 13th

No I am not superstitious, normally. Several months ago before my surgery I started volunteering at the Front Desk on Friday mornings from 8am to 11am. I took two months off after my surgery and started back on August 6th. This Friday morning, the 13th, I was sitting on the floor playing with Ember and that funny feeling hit me - it was Friday - it was also 9:45. I jumped up, brushed my teeth, put on some clothes and was downstairs by 10. Very embarrassed.

Lynn, the gentleman that is always down there on Friday mornings when I am not there - was not there either but his wife was. She said that she came down at 8:45 and saw that no one was there - it was all dark. Not good! So she took over. She said, "no problem, it happens all the time." I doubt that, but it was nice of her to say so. I assured her that I probably would not forget Friday mornings again, but if I did to please call me. And, I confirmed that I would be there on the 20th but not on the 27th.

On the 21st, I am going to Omaha for a week. We will have a family picnic at Mercy Acres on Saturday night and there is a celebration, on Sunday, the 22nd, starting with Mass and then dinner to follow. This Jubilee is for my aunt and four other nuns. They have been Mercy nuns for 50 years. It should be a wonderful day, lots of families and lots of excitement.

Health-wise I am doing fine. I feel good and have little discomfort from my continual seromas. I have no drains in so the fluid builds up until it needs to be drained. Obviously the last procedures with Interventional Radiology, did not work so I will go about every 10 days to have it drained. I will go again just before I leave for Omaha and then I have an appointment when I get back. No one can answer the question, "Why am I still filling with fluid?" They say that this happens to some people. Okay - I will accept that. (I have researched this on the internet and found it to be true.)

Well there probably won't be another posting until I come back from Omaha, unless something really exciting happens. Not that this posting was exciting - but there will be less and less to write about. At least I am praying for that. We all have our everyday adventures, etc., so I do not want to bore you with my everyday life - like the car. (Three things in three weeks - the car should be good to go.)

I continue to take life one day at a time and take nothing for granted. "And my God will meet all your (my) needs according to his glorious riches in Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:19 

"God abounds with generosity and his goodness is poured out to all his children. He has no favorites. And he fills each one according to their need. We are freed from fear and selfishness when we learn to trust God's perfect timing in our lives."

Cars

Just want to change the pace of my writings from cancer to cars. It is good to talk about something else - right? Well, I guess that all depends. I would like to be telling you that I bought a new fancy sports car. That is not the case - not on my budget.

Week before last someone left a note on my window saying I had a very low tire on the back. Not a problem I stopped and put air in the tire and then drove right to Peerless Tires to have it fixed and my tires rotated. I do this every 3,000 miles and it was time. I asked that they please check that back tire because I had just put air in it. They rotated the tires and said that my car was ready. I asked if they had checked that tire and they said that it was okay just low. I am looking kind of puzzled but they know their business, I'm thinking. Two days later I was back. The tire is now on the front and yes there was a nail in it. Grrrrr!

Last week I had the oil changed. Nothing unusual about this, I always have the oil changed at 3,000 miles. When I started to pay the bill, he said you have a couple of small leaks that need to be taken care of right away. What leaks? When he started explaining I told him that had just been done less than a year ago. He looked it up and it was in November. My 2001 Grand Prix has a bad GM motor in it and the gaskets go bad about every four years - lucky me. This is very expensive to have the gaskets replaced. It was still under warranty and they fixed it for no charge.

This week one day when I started the car the battery light was on. I made a call to see how serious this was and my friend, Steve, told me to go to Auto Zone and have the battery tested. He also said that it could be the alternator. They said the battery was bad so I bought a new one, met Steve, and he put it in for me. He returned with me to Auto Zone to make sure the refunds were made because it was a seven year battery replaced in five years. I told them that the battery light was still on. They checked the alternator and it was bad, but not that bad. I had errands to run so it was decided that we would take care of the alternator latter since the new battery would be okay for awhile. Have no idea how much charge was in the battery and I drove way down south to run my errands and on the way back home I new it was going to quit on me. And then a God thing happened. I was at 1st St and the lights went out. Steve lives right off of 1st St. I was hoping I could make it to his house. I didn't! The car stopped at the stop sign and right across the street, two houses up, was Steve's house. I hated to call Steve because he was at the hospital with his dad. I just didn't know what else to do. He said to leave the car sit there and he would take care of it when he got home. I walked down to his house and gave his wife my keys and a credit card and she took me home. I felt so bad leaving all this work for him. He was at the hospital for four hours and then had Life Group that evening and did not even get started on my car until late evening.

How do you say "thank you" to good friends. Only God knows what we need and he puts the right people in place each time. There is one young lady in the church that has helped me out on several occasions and when I tell her that I don't want to impose on her, she will say, "Don't you take my blessing away from me." And then I do understand.

"God has blessed you with his kindness. Why not pass it on? Kindness is always contagious. Start an epidemic where you live. All it takes is one to light the way."

The Story continues...

The bad news - It is now a week later, August 7th, since they said that I no longer needed treatment for the seroma. Wrong again! The seroma is back in full force. I am going to call the surgeons office Monday morning to see if I can get it drained again. I may just have to do this once a week, or so, until it stops. I cannot keep paying the huge co-pays only to have them not do the treatment. And, I do not want that huge drain hanging on me again.

The good news - I did get my bra and a prosthesis on Monday. It looks so normal. That was such an exciting day that I was calling or texting everyone telling them that I felt like a young girl getting her first bra. I cannot begin to tell you how uplifting it is. (No pun intended.)

God has blessed me more than I could have ever imagined.

"Laughter lightens our load, especially during times of trouble. It is a pep rally for heavy hearts."

Continuation of Story Time

It's Friday, July 30th, morning and Rebecca picks me up a 6:30 for my second round of Betadine treatment. The hospital was expecting me and I was taken to a private room and prepared for the treatment. The same nurse blew out another vein trying to start the IV and this was after wrapping my arm in a hot towel. The second nurse took her time and was successful. The antibiotic was started and then I was taken down to Interventional Radiology and given some more stuff so this would be a pain free procedure. Since the cavity was so large last time they were hoping to inject a smaller amount of Betadine this time. The radiologist started the injection and no Betadine would go in. He determined that there was no blockage in the tube and he tried again. He said that it was time to take it out - so he did. They put a compression bandage on me for three days and then everything should be okay.

All of the confusion from last week still remains with me. I was getting so many different stories of how many treatments this would be. Why couldn't someone just say that it would be 1-3 treatments and maybe more. How hard is that. What little drainage is still left should be absorbed by the body.

I guess if we prepare for the worse, then it is a true blessing when it is not as bad as we expected.

"God's ears are open to the desperate in heart. His eyes are aware of their need. Ask him to visit your most hopeless situation. God is always looking for a place to put a miracle."

Warning: This is long and may be boring.

Mastectomy on June 7th. Left the hospital with 2 drains. The drains were removed on the 25th. However, that was too soon and I developed a seroma. On the 29th my surgeon drained the seroma and put a catheter in so I could continue draining. On Monday, July 19th, three weeks later, they said the catheter had to be taken out, even though I was still draining large amounts of fluid, because there was too much chance for infection, and besides I should have quit draining by now. By the end of the day a seroma was developing again. On Tuesday I contacted the surgery nurse, again, to see what can be done.

The rest of the week gets more interesting/confusing so bear with me. There are lots of phone calls going back and forth and I only learn later that most of the information was not correct. 

Tuesday - The surgery nurse calls me back and she has talked with my surgeon. Since I am still draining so much the next step would be with Interventional Radiology. They will do a sclerosing procedure. This procedure is one time only and there has been a high rate of success. She explained it to me. They will drain the cavity and then fill it with a sclerosing solution, leave it in an hour and then drain it and it will be all over with. Okay sounds simple enough so we made an appointment at St Jo Hospital at 6:30 Friday morning. I should take someone with me. (A little doubt in my mind about how simple this is going to be.)

Wednesday - A gentleman from radiology calls me to get me pre-admitted. There are a lot of questions being asked back and forth. He was surprised that I thought it was a one time procedure and tells me that it may be more than a one time. Hmmmm! The procedure could be painful but that they will make sure I do not feel the pain, I will have an IV. As soon as I told him that I had had a pulmonary embolus he wanted to know if I was on blood thinners - yes.  He almost panicked. He said my PT INR had to be 2.3 or less. I personally didn't see this as much of a problem because I still had two nights not to take my medicine but he wanted me off of it for four nights. The call almost ended immediately and he said he would call me back - he never did.

The surgery nurse called me back and wanted to cancel for Friday and Move it to Tuesday so I could be off my med. I talked her into letting me go and getting my blood tested to see where it was. If it was close to 2.3 I had no problem - it would be down by Friday morning. It was 2.5 so she decided that it was too close a call. I kept telling her it would be down by Friday and to call my anticoagulation guy and he would explain it to her. I asked her to please keep me on the schedule for Friday because this seroma was growing by the day. She said that if I was not in the correct range that they would not do the procedure so she would keep me on the schedule for Tuesday also. I would take my chances.

My anticoagulation guy called me and said to hold my meds Wednesday night and Thursday night and I would be fine. He said if you want to be sure it is down - and then gave me a little tip - which I did. Okay - now is the funny part. You know how I like humor in everything.  I put my pills in a container and just take them daily morning and night. After all this commotion all day I took my pills and did not give it another thought until about a half hour later. You know how your stomach goes into a knot when you know you have done something wrong and you cannot reverse it - well... I fretted over this for about another half hour thinking what am I going to do - I have really messed up. For some unknown reason I went out and looked in my pill container. There were three pills that did not dump into my hand when I took my pills earlier and one of them was my blood thinner. I think you all can figure out the unknown reason - all I could do was thank God over and over. When we least expect Him to be in our lives - there He is every time!

I feel like this is turning into a book so please feel free to click off at any time. I just don't want to forget any of this like I did my surgery.

Thursday - I worked at the church all day and the staff took me out to lunch for my birthday. It was so good - Applebee's.

Friday - Rebecca picked me up and we were checking into the hospital and I was getting the funny feeling that they were not really expecting me. They did finally take me up to a private room and then the staff wasn't sure what I was there for. Yes, I am still laughing. Finally this nurse -  not really sure who she was or which department she was from, started talking about the procedure and that my PT INR had to be at 2.0 or they would not do the procedure. She also started saying that they would not be injecting any sclerosing agent, they would just be draining the seroma. Rebecca and I just looked at each other. I am sure glad she was there with me or I would have been crying instead of laughing. My PT INR was at 1.47.

The nurse that was to take care of me blew out a vein trying to put in the IV so she had to call the IV therapy team to come up. After two hours they finally have me all ready for the procedure, and  radiology was ready for me. It was another hour before they come to get me. The person before me was really a problem per the radiologist. 

Okay I am down there now. Every one is so nice. The doctor came out and apologized to me for all of the confusion that has gone on. He realized that I really had no idea what was happening and that no one had explained this procedure to me properly. After he explained it to me he asked if I still wanted to go through with it - it was not too late to back out. Long story short - He put in a long catheter with a curly tail on it and he even let me see it on the screen. He drained the cavity and then injected it with Betadine. It was in for an hour and then drained. I had to turn every 15 minutes on each side, back and front, to make sure the Betadine went into all the crevasses of the  cavity. Meanwhile I do have one humongous drain hanging on me now. Nothing that can be disguised through clothing like the other ones. I will come back next Friday and have the Betadine injection again. And then again the next Friday. Surprise - again! There is only a 50 percent chance that this will work.

He said that they could do surgery again but that usually never works and only will make it worse. Some people are chronic seroma makers. 

If you have made it through all of this you probably realize that I continue to need prayer. Look what your prayer has done for me so far. Believe me - I am not complaining - this too shall pass. However, I am really glad this week is over. ~But I want a bra!!!!!

"My interpretation influences my situation -- It's not what happens to me that matters as much as how I choose to see it. The way I react will determine whether the circumstance makes me better or bitter. I can view everything as an obstacle or an opportunity for growth - a stumbling block or a stepping stone."

PET Scan results

Whoohoo!!!! 

Praise God through whom all blessings flow! 

"No Active Cancer" 

I started on Arimidex this morning - antihormonal therapy - one pill a day. No chemotherapy and no radiation therapy per my oncologist. I am not sure that my surgeon knows this yet but she is not going to be a happy camper.

Be very specific in what you ask for. "If you want specific answers to prayer, then make specific requests. If your prayers consist of general requests, how will you know if they're answered?"

Rollin' the cat

My little girl likes to play on the bed while I am trying to make it, or I should say she used to play on the bed. I am not sure what happened but she kind of quit doing that until just recently. I purchased a new set of sheets and they were a very light color and all of the sudden I could see black cat hair all over the top sheet. Needless to say, "I can't have that." So, I got the lint roller out and was rolling over the sheet when appeared my black cat and she wanted to play. I rolled it over her once thinking that would be all it took and she would be gone. Wrong - she loved it and now it is our daily routine to get rolled when I make the bed. Sometimes I am not fast enough for her and she stands on the bed looking at the night stand where I keep the roller.

Ember is so little (10 lbs) and her hair is very fine. It does little good to comb her or brush her because I am not going to get enough hair out of her to make a difference. The lint roller works great and now my fear is that I might get too much hair out and she will be bald. Do you think that could happen? Hmmmmm!

Happy Birthday to me!

Yesterday, July 18th, was my birthday. Why, you ask, is a 67 year old woman so happy about her birthday. The simple answer is - because I had one.

As many of you remember, last year at this time my cancer was spreading and my future (here on earth) looked pretty bleak. In February 2010 things changed and my terminal cancer was no longer active. They don't call it remission but I will take whatever they want to call it. I have had another PET scan on Friday and I do not have the results of it back yet.

I received so many birthday cards, birthday wishes on FaceBook and at church that I was glowing all day. I am not sure how many people actually knew what it meant to me. I plan on celebrating my birthday every day so if you want to send me birthday wishes anytime in the next year I will accept them and be grateful for each new day.

"Every day of my life was recorded in your book. Every moment was laid out before a single day had passed" (Psalm 139:16 NLT)