Clarification for my printed journal

Mary, Ann, Helen (on the wall) Betty, Bonnie,
Cissy, Joe, Mickie, Rita (Sister Johanna)

Now that I have printed my journal there are a couple of things that are very confusing as people read through it. Since it is my journal I never gave it any thought of the term “sisters”. My mother was the second oldest of nine children. There was one boy and eight girls. All are now deceased except for the youngest sister who is Sister Johanna Burnell. The confusing part is that Johanna is a nun, Sister of Mercy.

Two of my mother’s sisters died after I started my journal. Now the sisters that I talk about are Sisters of Mercy. Over Christmas 2010 when I was in Omaha, three Sisters of Mercy died. When I go to Omaha I stay with Sister Johanna and Sister Jeanne. As I was writing in my journal I never gave thought to how confusing this could be.

Laurie's Wedding Day

Myrlyn's 85th birthday on cruise in 2006

The second thing that is confusing - “Who is Laurie?” Laurie is owner of The Carousel Palette, which is an art studio in downtown Littleton. Kathy Heck, who went to South Denver Church takes classes from her. In 2003 I wanted to leave Sunrise Assisted Living and work independently. Laurie’s mother, Myrlyn, had a severe stroke, which left her paralyzed on her left side and in a wheel chair. When she returned home from rehab it was decided by the family that they needed someone with her around the clock. Kathy told me about it and I called Laurie and interviewed with her and Myrlyn. I was hired and started in January of 2004. I worked with Myrlyn full-time and part-time up until I was diagnosed with cancer in 2008. We became very good friends and we are like family. Laurie loves cats and has a cat that has been fighting cancer for many years now. When I was diagnosed with cancer I asked Laurie if she would take my cats when the time came and of course she was in agreement. She now has Mario and there would be “no way” I could get him back if wanted.

Laurie is the one that makes me laugh daily. And I need to laugh daily – everyone does! It is so healing. 

Volunteer

I have volunteered at my church for many, many years now and continue even through my cancer journey. I love being a volunteer and am so thankful that I have more time to devote to volunteering - it is so rewarding for me. I wish that more people would try it.

It is amazing how different my life style is now from two years ago. I know that life changes daily but when it is in one giant swoop, it is a little overwhelming. Many, many things have changed for me.

One of the most interesting, as of late, is forgetting to go to appointments. This has caused much embarrassment on my part because I am always punctual – always have been. I am not really sure what to attribute this new behavior to. One of my problems, and I am not making excuses, is that I am no longer a morning person. This happened, of course, when I was diagnosed with cancer – life changed – drastically.

For about a year now I work the front desk on Friday mornings. They have moved the shift up 30 minutes and I have to be down there at 7:30 am. Come on, that is way to early. Once last spring I forgot to go down on a Friday the 13^th. After that I was off for a couple of months because of my surgery. When I went back I was doing fine with the hours, so I thought. Recently two out of three Friday mornings I forgot to go down stairs. Actually I forgot to set the alarm so I slept late both days. I love sleeping late everyday except for Sunday.

Both Friday mornings Laurie called me a little after 10:30, when my shift ends. The first one she wanted to know how my morning was going, and I said that I was playing with Ember. And then she said something about it being Friday morning and I couldn't believe it - I forgot to go downstairs. The next time Laurie asked if I got to work on time. I said, no I don't have to be there until 3:00 - I was helping out at the Valentine dinner at church Friday night. She said, I mean this morning. NO! Not again. I was totally stunned.

When I got a hold of Lynn to apologize he said, “Your not a morning person”. At least they did not fire me. Guess it is too hard to find volunteers.  I switched my shift with Lynn and I now work on Wednesday afternoon at 1:30 pm. I think this is going to work much better for Francis Heights and especially me.

This probably has not been my most embarrassing moment by far, but it was still embarrassing enough. 

I need to be more careful

On Tuesday I decided to make some potato chips. I am whizzing along slicing the potatoes and suddenly without warning I sliced off the side of my thumb. Ouch!! The bleeding went on and on. I started getting a little panicky, because I am on blood thinners, so I called Rebecca. I really needed someone to talk me down. We had a bad snowstorm overnight and I did not expect anyone to come help me. I knew they would do nothing in the ER – there was nothing to sew up.

I wrapped the thumb with lots of bandages and Neosporin but it just kept bleeding through. I even had a shamus wrapped around it and it filled with blood. Then I found the piece of skin and threw it away and continued fixing my potato chips. There were sure good in spite of all the action.

I took a pain pill and went a laid down thinking that might stop it bleeding. After a while I call Laurie because I knew she would make me laugh and I sure needed it. Before I went to bed I decided I had to change the glob that was around my thumb and put on fresh bandages and used an ice pack. By morning it had quit bleeding so I took a shower with the bandages on – thinking that would soften them to take off. The blood was so thick that it was still sticking, however it did not start bleeding again. I wrapped it again.

I was supposed to work at the church on Tuesday but there was no way to get out with the weather the way it was and look what happened! So on Wednesday I really did need to go so I went out and scraped the car at zero degrees and headed for the church. It had started bleeding again so I changed the bandage again.  It did not bleed the rest of the day.

I needed to do dishes and since it wasn’t bleeding I stuck my hand in the water to get rid of all the caked on blood. Oh my goodness! All I could do was hold my breath – you know what that is like - you have all been there at one time or another. It did not bleed anymore and I let it air overnight. I just put a band-aid and Neosporin on it to go work at the church. I did not hit it again hard enough to make it bleed today. Wow! What an adventure.

"We have often contemplated the suffering and death of Jesus Christ through... But did we ever stop to think just how truly, physically painful it must have been for Him to be whipped, crowned with thorns, bear the cross, and have iron spikes driven into our hands and feet?"

I Can Only Imagine (with lyrics) - MercyMe

Forward to my printed journal

(I am posting this on my blog because it really is part of my journal.

It is totally out of order so some of the information is repeated.)

My Journey actually began some months sooner than July 1, 2008. The reason that date is chosen is because I did not have insurance and on July 1st I would be on Medicare. I never in my life thought that I would want to turn 65 so quickly. I did go to my doctor a couple of times but I did not pursue the issue because I did not have the money.

No one knew that I had a problem because I kept it to myself. Over Memorial Day I went to Kansas City to see my aunt Mickie who was dieing from lung cancer. (She died in August 2008.) I knew that my chance of making it back for her funeral was not in my future. Besides I would rather see her alive and have a chance to talk with her. My aunt Johanna, cousin Betty and myself went out for pie and coffee one evening before I came back to Colorado. It was at that time I told them that something was wrong but I would not know anything until July. That is all that I told them and that I would let them know when I saw the doctor. Once I knew my diagnosis Johanna (my aunt) and Marci (Mickie’s daughter) took aunt Mickie out to dinner and told her that I had cancer. I called her the next day and we talked every week and sometimes more often until she died. She gave her children orders that if I called they were to wake her up so she could talk to me.

Several weeks before my doctor’s appointment I finally told Rebecca because I needed someone I could talk to who would not tell everyone. I just did not want it to become an issue until I knew something. I did not even tell my pastor because I am of the ‘old school’ where you just don’t talk about female problems with a man unless he is your doctor.

I was still working for Myrlyn at that time and I called and cancelled two Sunday nights in a row. I didn’t call Laurie, who I talked to everyday. Instead I called another person to fill in for me and she called Laurie. The whole idea of me not showing up for my shift was unheard of. Laurie called, “Okay what is going on?” So I told her that I had a problem and would not know anything until I saw the doctor on the 1st. I did not want to tell Laurie because she had enough going on in her life and she did not need one more thing to worry about. I also did not have the courage to tell Myrlyn when I was diagnosed – I let Laurie do it. Big mistake on my part!!

I am a very private person and this journal was very difficult to write. I started it and then decided not to do it so I deleted it. Then in October of 2008, I decided that it was the only way I could keep up with what was going on. I started the journal for myself and eventually many people were reading it. As you start to read you will notice that all I give are facts. That is the way that I am. Then as it goes along I start slowly inserting some of my feelings and beliefs and my knowledge that God will take care of me no matter the outcome.

At this point the blog continues to grow and it is difficult for a new person to start reading it because it is reverse chronological order. And, there are many people that do not have computers and they want to read my blog. Thus I have decided to print it off. Just a funny little story - One Sunday at church I walked past this young woman and just as I did I glanced over her shoulder. What caught my eye was that it was my posting from that week. I said, “That is my blog”, she said yes, and told me who had printed it for her. I had no idea that I was making such an effect on people.

My doctors have assured me that getting in a couple of months earlier would not have changed my diagnosis or the outcome of the journey I was about to take.

The first five pages of this printing are pictures and quotes that are on the side bar of my blog. I wanted to keep them as part of my memories when I printed my blog.

Happy "100" Birthday Helen

There were "100" lit candles on the cake. Good thing Helen did not have to blow them out all by herself - she is a tiny little thing. Everyone at the table helped!

On Monday afternoon, Francis Heights had a birthday party for Helen’s
100^th Birthday. She is an amazing woman and is certainly spry for being 100. Helen does use a walker now after breaking her hip last year. She quit driving when she was 92 and moved to Denver from Kansas City MO where she was a nurse at Shawnee Mission Hospital in Shawnee Mission KS. I told her that I worked right down the street from her at St Joseph Hospital in the early 80’s. I doubt that she worked until she was 92 – I did not have a chance to ask. Helen’s daughter works at for Francis Heights in some capacity and that is why she brought her mom out here.

At the party, which was in Claire Villa dining room, Helen got up and went to every table to great everyone that came to celebrate her. There were no gifts that I could see, but then what would you get for someone who is 100 years old. Can you imagine all that she has seen in her lifetime? Wow!

We have another lady that lives in the building that writes for the “El Semanario” neighborhood paper and she wrote a wonderful article about Helen along with pictures.

I made her a card that simply said, “If I told you once, I have told you a 100 times”, and then on the inside just Happy Birthday Helen -  I hope she liked it.

We always talk about it being such a small world – it really is!

I pray that God blesses Helen with many more viable years.

Unconditional Love

Right before Christmas I met Laurie and some of her family at the art studio to go see “White Christmas”. I was being nosey, and looking around, like I always do at the studio, and I noticed a desk that I had not seen before. I asked Laurie where she got it and her answer was, “the trash”.  Then she asked if I would like to have it and of course I said “yes” since it was nicer than the one I had borrowed for the apartment. It has three drawers across the front. The other desk had no drawers. Seems that she was driving through a neighborhood and it was sitting at the curb. She went up to the door and asked if she could have the desk if they were throwing it away. She knew someone could use it sooner or later. She loaded it in her SUV – by herself. She was determined not to leave there without the desk. It is and old desk with some major worn spots on it but it works for my purpose and I don’t really notice them unless I am looking for them. The frame is brass and I will need to clean it up or use steel wool on the legs.

Craig and Laurie delivered the desk to me on a Saturday afternoon. When I started setting my computer, printer, and monitor on the desk, everything did not fit the way I had it before because of the way it is made in the front. Well this time I had to separate the printer and the CPU – one on each side of the monitor. Now this became a problem because “little bit” likes to lie on top of the CPU. Only thing is even though she is little the CPU is also little and it is hard for her to stay there very long. When the printer and CPU were side by side she would lay on top of the printer with her paws and head over the CPU. It looked very uncomfortable but she likes the heat from the CPU.

I had to come up with a new idea that would work for her where she could still get the heat from the CPU. I put a pillow behind the monitor for her but it was too large. Then I remembered that I had a nice mat in her carrier – it worked and it covers the wires so she will not get tangled in them. She sleeps behind the monitor while I am working on the computer and she is very comfortable now - and warm. Now my problem is I cannot really see her back there because the monitor is black, the CPU is black, the mat is black, and she is a black cat. I really have to look to see her back there. It is really hard to get a picture of her sleeping - she seems to know when I have the camera in hand.

Ember is the joy of my life and I don’t know what I would do without her. God has given us these little animals and put us in charge of them and we are to take care of them the way He takes care of us.

 "Cats are smarter than dogs. You'll never get eight cats to pull a sled through snow."

"One reason a dog is such a comfort when you're feeling blue - he doesn't try to find out why."

"We allow friends into our company; we allow animals into our solitude."

"We can judge the heart of a man by the way he treats his animals."

"A dog is the only thing on earth that will love you more than you love yourself."

I like pigs. 

Dogs look up to us. 

Cats look down on us. 

Pigs treat us as equals."

I hope that all of you have (or had) at least one little pet that brings joy, happiness and unconditional love to your life.

Cancer Blood Markers - January 2011

On January 5, 2011 (How can that be?), I had my blood drawn for my six-month blood markers for the endometrial cancer and the breast cancer. It takes a week to get the results so I kind of held my breath and said some extra prayers. On Wednesday evening I received the results of the CA 27-29 (breast cancer marker) and it had gone up a little. I did not receive the CA 125 (endometrial cancer) so I really started sweating and thinking something was really wrong. On Thursday evening I sent an email to my oncologist asking if there was a problem because I always get the results at the same time. Apparently the laboratory did not have enough reagents to run the CA 125 so it took a one-day longer. The office emailed me the results this morning and I finally took a deep breath and let it out slowly.

CA 27-29 is 28 (normal <=38 u/ml) 
                          - it was 23, six months ago after my surgery.

CA 125 is 15 (normal <=34 u/ml) 
                          - it was 12, six months ago.

Both test have come up a little but not enough to cause me concern just yet - well maybe a little. Sadly enough this whole thing is never out of my mind. It is strange how your life changes - you are not the same person that you used to be. When you look good and feel good people do expect you to be the old self you once were - but it just doesn't happen. I do try very hard not to let the cancer rule my life, but in all honesty I am sure that it does.


I will not have the PET scan done this time since the markers are below normal range. I have made the decision to wait another 6 months to see if the markers go up, down, or stay where they are.


I am far from being out of the woods, so please keep praying for strength, courage and peace of mind. 

“I can do everything through Him who gives me strength.” 
                   ~Philippians 4:13

When I went on the cruise to Hawaii in 2006-2007, I purchased one of those oysters to get the pearl. I had a coupon and it cost me practically nothing. I don’t really remember the cost but my oyster had two perfectly sized pearls in it. I just kept them because I wanted earrings made. The following year for Christmas Laurie had the earrings made by one of her friends who is a jeweler. I really, really liked those earrings and wore them all the time. About 10-11 months ago I lost one of them. I felt like it had to be here in the apartment somewhere and I never quit looking for it. My one thought is that it possibly was vacuumed up – forever gone. Even with this thought in mind I would continue to look and pray about it – it had to be somewhere.

Today I pulled a Tupperware tub off the shelf that had my papers in. The shelf is actually level with my face. I was sitting on the floor and when I emptied the tub and put everything in another, larger tub, I got up to go to the kitchen and I looked down at the empty tub and there was something in the hollow handle of the tub. When I picked it up it was my pearl earring. All I could think to do was thank my God for keeping it safe for me. The last time I took that tub off the shelf was about 10-11 months ago at tax time.

“Prayers go up and blessings come down.” 
Yiddish Proverb

If you continue to only look for big blessings then you will miss out on the little everyday blessings. Some people just call them a coincidence.

Bill Keller, Televangelist, says, “If there is one thing the Bible clearly teaches, it is that there are NO coincidences with God.”

My blessings for 2010 are many. It is hard to recap all that has happened but most of the details are in my journal “My Blog”. Yes I do believe in miracles because I know that God is always in control. I have tried to remain faithful to Him but I know that I have failed miserably. Will God continue to bless me and give me more time here on earth? Only He can answer that question. As most of you already know, my favorite verse in the Bible that I cling to most is Jeremiah 29:11. “For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you, and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.” I struggle with knowing what His plan for my future might be.

I went into 2010 knowing that my cancer was spreading rapidly and that there was a good chance that this would be my last year. On February 5^th I had a repeat PET scan along with my blood marker. I was really dreading the call from my oncologist but when he called he said that my cancer was not active and explained that this did not mean that I was in remission. Praise God! I had another PET scan before my surgery and had the same results.

The breast cancer was questionable but the biopsy showed that cancer was still present. In June I had a right breast mastectomy. The drainage lasted much longer than I anticipated but that was because my surgeon took all of the lymph nodes. I am now doing fine with this new procedure when getting dressed - it just took time.

Two major surgeries in two years and my body is still rebelling. I feel good but I get tired so easily. My back is doing much better since I only wear anti-gravity shoes. It does not hurt nearly as much now unless I am standing a lot. Such a blessing – I am not really fond of pain.

I will schedule more blood test and another PET scan sometime this month so that I can see where the cancer is going – or, better yet, not going. 

Rebecca and I took a road trip this fall through southern Colorado and back up on the Utah side. We had a wonderful time. The fall colors were absolutely beautiful – and the mountains, what can I say.

My other two trips were to Omaha to be with my aunt, Sister Johanna, for her 50^th Jubilee in August and, of course, Christmas. Maybe Christmas in Omaha can become a tradition. I so love being with family for this holiday.


One of my most challenging and rewarding experiences was co-teaching a 6 week class, called  "First Principles". We had the opportunity to teach this class twice to spiritually thirsty women and they both were baptized before we finished the classes. Anita did the actual immersion for both women. Anita and I come from very different backgrounds. Anita's father was a pastor and I was raised Catholic. I must admit that this is something that I never thought I was capable of doing. It just shows one that you never know what God has planned for your life, so you need to take the time to listen to Him.

MAY GOD CONTINUE TO BLESS YOU IN 2011

Happy New Year

“The moment when you first wake up in the morning is the most wonderful of the twenty-four hours. No matter how weary or dreary you may feel, you possess the certainty that, during the day that lies before you, absolutely anything may happen. And the fact that it practically always doesn't, matters not a jot. The possibility is always there.”  ~Monica Baldwin