It was nice living in this tent when it was strong and secure and the sun was shining and the air was warm.

But, Mr. Tentmaker, it’s scary now.

My tent is acting like it’s not going to hold together. The poles seem weak and they shift with the wind, a couple of the stakes have wiggled loose from the sand, and worst of all, the canvas has a rip. It no longer protects me from beating rain or stinging flies.

It’s scary in here, Mr. Tentmaker. Last week I was sent to the repair shop and some repairmen tried to patch the rip in my canvas. It didn’t help much though, because the patch pulled away from the edges and now the tear is worse.

What troubled me most, Mr. Tentmaker, is that the repairmen didn’t seem to notice I was still in the tent. They just worked on the canvas while; I shivered inside. I cried out once, but no one heard me.

I guess my first real question is, why did you give me such a flimsy tent? I can see by looking around the campground that some of the tents are much stronger and more stable than mine. Why, Mr. Tentmaker, did you pick a tent of such poor quality for me and even more important, what do you intend to do about it?

Oh, Little tent dweller, as the Creator and Provider of tents, I know all about you and your tent and I love you both.

I made a tent for myself once and lived in it on your campground. My tent was vulnerable, too, and some vicious attackers ripped it to pieces while I was still in it. It was a terrible experience but you’ll be glad to know they couldn’t hurt me. In fact, the whole occurrence was a tremendous advantage because it is this very victory over my enemy that frees me to be of present help to you.

Little tent dweller, I am now prepared to come and live in your tent with you, if you will invite me. You will learn, as we dwell together, that real security comes from my being in your tent with you. When the storms come, you can huddle in my arms and I’ll hold you. When the canvas rips, we’ll go to the repair shop together.

Someday, little tent dweller, your tent will collapse (for I’ve only designed it for temporary use). When it does, you and I will leave together, (I promise not to leave before you do). Then, free of all that would hinder or restrict, we will move to our permanent home and together, forever rejoice and be glad.

~~By Roselyn Aronson

Partial view from bedroom

It was taken, of course, through the screen. Sloan's Lake and the mountains.

The Estate Sale is over

The move is over and the Estate Sale is over. All went very well. The people doing the Estate Sale went way above and beyond what I was expecting. They left the house clean and vacuumed and empty except for one very large bookcase/entertainment center. The washer/dryer and the refrigerator were left as bargaining tools. If whoever buys the house does not want them I am sure they will be easy enough to sell. Pray that the condo sells fast.

I cannot believe how much a person collects over the years - stuff we don't really use - it is just there. My little apartment has everything I need and so far I am very comfortable here. Yes, I do miss the garage and I go to another floor to do the laundry. I was so used to the comforts of every day life and having everything at the tips of my fingers. Now I have to reach a little and it is good for me.

The whole move and process of moving went so fast that I did not have time to go through all of the old paper work, etc. I am still in the process of doing that - almost finished. It will be so good to have all of this finished.

As for my health I am feeling pretty good, certainly nothing to complain about. My back is hurting but that is because I was lifting things I was not supposed to lift - there is not always someone around to do this for you. I don't have any doctor appointments scheduled but I guess that will not happen until it is necessary.

My hair was finally to the point that I had to do something. It was growing fairly fast in the back and on the sides but not on the top or the very front. It looked kind of weird so I decided that I needed to get it styled. Well, to make it look right and match the top it is now very short again. It was growing in all different directions and I now have a slight wave at the neckline and the very front and a huge cowlick at the crown. She said that some of my hair was very fine and some was very coarse. Guess it will just take time to get straightened out. However, I think I am through with the wigs.

The cats are doing much better but they know there is something on the other side of that door and they want to explore. I am going to put something under the door to help reduce the noise and maybe that will help.

I am looking forward to a week at Moss Beach in San Francisco. It will be good to get away and enjoy the beach.

"Thank you" to everyone who helped me move and to those who prayed for an easy transition. Please keep praying for me. I have a long way to go and so hopefully you will be praying for me for a very long time.

The Move

Sorry it took so long to post but I have been trying to change my sign-on. I had tried to post once and I lost everything so I thought since I no longer have the same provider it would not work. I am trying again and I think it is going to work this time. (Thank you Mel!)

Well, I actually moved on May 1st and it is hard to believe that I have been in my new place for over a week already. It truly is small and I had to leave a lot behind but I have no regrets. This is going to be so much easier to take care of as time goes on. The cats on the other hand are not as impressed with the smaller space. They no longer have the steps to race up and down. But, each day I do see improvement with them and they are finally eating again and playing. They are trying to get used to the different noises - me too!

The move went smoothly with my pastor in charge, three other men from the church and Rebecca. It took only about 2 1/2 hours. Others have been by to help me finish packing things at the house and to help arrange things at the new place. I am so thankful for all of them. God has truly blessed me with good friends.

I cannot believe that it has been 12 years since I have been able to sleep with the bedroom windows open. I am loving the fresh air and the magnificent view. St Anthony's hospital is right across the lake and I can watch the helicopter take off and land. It usually goes right by my window.

I seem to be going to the house to exchange stuff I brought with me and don't need, or I left something that I do need/want. This will be the last week I can do that because the Estate Sale is this weekend and all will be gone (hopefully). I think I hung the last thing this morning - the clock.

Health wise I am feeling good, just really tired. The move took a lot out of me but I am sure as soon as I can settle down I will regain my energy. I have not gone to the Y for several weeks now and I am anxious to get back there.

I have sent out my new home address and email address but I am not getting a lot of response. I did figure out however, that it went into junk mail for several providers. So if you don't occasionally check your junk mail you may not know my new information.

The climb may be steep but the reward... ~Monumental

The last couple of weeks have been a roller coaster. Things started moving very, very fast once the decisions were made and the calls made. My house is on the market as a "short sale" in order for me not to keep making the payments on it.

I have a friend who works for Mercy Housing and she gave me a tip on a facility where I could go in as an independent resident and then as my cancer progresses I can change buildings to assisted living and stay within the same system. I just knew that they would have a long waiting list – I was wrong. They had an apartment, one bedroom-one bath, available immediately. It is small but it will be much easier for me to take care of. It is on the 15th floor, corner apartment, so it is a little larger than most in the building. The view is magnificent – Sloan Lake and a full view of the mountains – couldn’t ask for more. I will lose my garage but I can live with it. It is very possible that I will be moving the 1st of May. Wow! That is only a week away. I am already worn out so this is going to be a real challenge. I have been packing for a garage sale tomorrow, the 24th. I know that my pastor and others in my church will make sure the move goes smoothly. So much to do – but I am not complaining.

A friend of mine sent me the most beautiful, powerful message that I have read in a long time. Please click on it and read for yourself, it is worth it. Click here: He Is God Thank you Jolene.

More later!

Angels are servants of God that help carry out His commands.

God has sent me many angels to be with me through my journey, but one angel stands out above the rest - Rebecca. I don’t know what I would do without her. She lets me cry and she cries with me and then we laugh together. You can always find something funny in most situations. She listens to me babble on and on and never gets tired of listening to me (if she does she hides it well). She is always there when I call or when I need someone to go with me on one of these doctor appointments or want someone to go with me to look at a place to live. She has so much going on in her own life but still finds the time for me. Please pray for Rebecca, for God’s protection and strength for her.

Appointments wtih surgeons

On Tuesday, the 14th I met with my pelvic surgeon for probably the last time. He said that I was looking well and if there was anything he could do for me to give him a call.

There is a funny side - there always is if you look for it. My pelvic surgeon is Dr Kimball and my general surgeon is Dr Kendall. I was always saying the wrong name, even to their faces. They just laughed.

On Friday, the 17th I met with my general surgeon about the breast issue. He can make a small incission and take out the cancer or we can just wait and see what the future holds. It is slow growing so there is no hurry. At this moment I have decided to wait since that has been evryone's decision since day one. I don't think it really going to make a difference one way or the other at this point.

Like an Avalanche - it comes tumbling down!

"You've kept track of my every toss and turn through the sleepless nights, Each tear entered in your ledger, each ache written in your book."

~Psalm 56:8 (The Message)

“It is amazing how one so powerful can love one so lowly as to know every tear that has fallen." ~Lance Gargus

One of the things that I have learned is that you cannot walk away from cancer you must take a stance. Along with God’s direction, I feel that I am taking a stance that is right for me. I have made the decision not to fight the cancer but to embrace the life that I have left until my day comes to meet God face-to-face.

This past week the reality of cancer came tumbling down on me like an avalanche and became overwhelming. I had to make some very hard decisions about my living arrangements for the duration of my illness. I can honestly say that this is the first time I have really, really cried. There are so many decisions to make; selling my house, where to live, what to take with me, finding a place where I can take my cats, etc. - I just wanted to walk away from it all. I am sure that there are going to be other days in the future when I still have these feelings and I know that my friends will be there to support me.

Sharing my personal feelings is one of the hardest things that I have ever done. Please continue to pray for me through this journey.

Happy Easter

Ways to cope with cancer

Faith, trust, laughter, prayer, sharing, positive attitude and hope are just some of the ways to cope with cancer. And, here are just a few more from the American Cancer Society.

Eat: Listen to what your body wants and needs.
Talk: Talk to anyone about anything you are feeling whether it be your friends, family, nurses, pastors or even a support group.
Keep a journal: Go out and buy yourself a good journal or find one online. (I chose this blog.)
Hugs: Hugs give us the sense of safety that when we are being hugged, nothing can seem to harm us.
Relaxation: Make time for yourself throughout the treatments.
Do whatever you want: Try to get as much normalcy into your limited life.
Ask Questions: Ask your doctors any question you may have about your cancer, chemotherapy, symptoms and limitations.
Exercise: Finding a type of exercise is a good idea.
Cry: Yes I said it, cry. Not all the time, but when you feel the need to cry go ahead and just let it out.